I did it again, I let my tongue loose and I made a fool of myself. I let go of every thought in my head and instead of being collected I let my passions drive my words. I screwed up O Adonai why did I let myself screw up like so? It started out so innocently, I knew my thoughts, I spoke, perhaps with a little passion, but I spoke full well knowing what I was saying. Then words were returned and I repeated, things changed heated up, I stopped thinking, my mouth running without any concern for what I should be thinking. O Adonai I screwed up at that moment.
I seek my Lady Wisdom oh so often and yet at that moment I took another accursed detour, I stopped looking toward her. I saw the alluring Dame Folly, her presence, oh how it changed my whole circumstances. Lady Wisdom seemed so far off, her figure a mere glimpse in the shadows. I have been walking so long to reach her home. I was tired of it for a moment, and there along the road was Dame Folly. She had the air of my lady, she had the looks, oh my did she have the looks. One glance and I was stunned by how much her beauty charmed me. I looked at her and my heart pounded, pounded the same way it does for my Wisdom. I screwed up there, and I took an action I should not have. But oh how her call grasped me.
I stopped worrying about Wisdom’s call, I could barely hear it and I headed down the road with my Dame Folly, arm in arm even. Who knows how long we could have gone, would I have gone as far as to enter that couch of her? But by the gods something changed my mind and I stopped in my tracks, I forced myself away from that creature. She looked at me with hate, and her glare had a strong power to it. It took effort but I forced myself to separate from her. I could my lady’s call and I wanted to meet her in that home of hers. But… I had left her, I had chosen to run away.
Adonai please let her call still be there. As I travel back along the route that I went the bright sky had turned dark and I heard no call. If I could not hear her voice how could I seek my lady wisdom? Or had she only withdrawn to a spot to mock me for leaving her. But I am starting to hear that voice of hers once more… What a lovely voice it is. I screwed up, O my Adonai how I screwed up, but can I… please forgive me Adonai. Surely if you forgive me, my lady will also be able to forgive me. I dare not continue along this return until I can clear it up.
So with that said I begin to walk once more, I will not let myself become another victim of Dame Folly. Although lingering thoughts of her still exist, she was so different from what I had expected of her. As I return back to the crossroad, I can hear Wisdom’s sweet call once more, oh can I see her more clearly now? I had failed her, but perhaps I can more fully understand my need for her now. Not that I should have failed. No… I regret that mistake, but I cannot keep thinking about it, what has happened has happened. I look toward my new understanding knowing how I failed. My actions were my own but I refuse (as much as I can) to let those vile actions define me.
I want to follow you Adonai and I want my Lady Wisdom’s embrace. I messed up, but let this forgiveness come to me. I have failed and I am sorry. Let me think of your glory Adonai, Yahweh let me focus now on praising you instead of my past failures that cannot help me. So I begin my journey toward my Lady, my eternal quest it seems. Singing a slight tune of praise as I do, my happy travelers tune. I am closer now I think, and I hope that I can continue on this path that’s been given to me.
– Le Bel Inconnu